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  • Photo du rédacteurRamia Beladel

"Waiting for Godot to bless me"

My response, Moulay Idriss Zahroun, Fez region, 2015

One year has passed, after the first ritual, the first visit, All I was thinking about was the comeback, I was talking to every person I know or met about my experience, my ritual, the places, this vibes, the ceremonies. I was like a drug dealer, trying to sell my stories, my addiction. I am no longer a blinded side or a white paper, I am a filled space now and I want more, I no longer watch the ritual with wide-open scary eyes, my vision changed, I was “understanding” sometimes chocked and sometimes not, I was between two stages, the duality this time has extolled the experience. I don’t believe in coincidence, but earlier in this experience they told me during a “Lila “ that I was “Malika”, a female spirit known for her joyful desires and she likes these shades of color! Comes the day of the performance, I invited some people to attend my ritual, I was well dressed, my make up on, with my offerings and my white chair, the camera is on to record and I asked to not film or photograph, I want to be the only holder of the traces of my ritual. In my white chair, on my both sides my offerings, I was feeling joy; I started to blow the first balloon and digging it outside the space of my body. One balloon after another I was feeling Goose bumps; I was connected intimately to these outsiders. The performance lasted like the previous one, but the camera didn’t record the whole ritual, when I get in trance, when the connection with the last balloon became deeper; I wasn’t able to inflate anymore, I was holding the inflated balloon, I couldn’t put the thread around it, I couldn’t move, the balloon was deflating and I was following it, I was leaning in the same rhythm of the “balloon’s breath”. The camera didn’t record these intense moments, but as I said before I don’t believe in coincidence, I think that the unfinished aspect of this work will keep it always ongoing, this work as ritual that will never end, so the technical problem was a sign for me to keep going.

the performance place, 2015

Waiting for my Godot to bless me, 2015 (SIDI ALI)

3 jan / first day/ second time 

Attending the Moussem again for the second time and I know that it won't be the last time, first thing that I did is to check the place where I did my ritual last year.

I was looking for some traces from last year, I didn't find any I kept looking and then I found two turtles at the same place where I have sown the balloons-I don't believe in coincidences- the turtles are my favorite animal and they are considered as lucky charm so somehow I wanted to believe that the sorrow that I put inside the balloons body turns out to something positive!!!! is my Godot will come this time???, am I going to be blessed???......

The turtle found in the place of the performance, 2015

Waiting for my Godot to bless me, 2015 (SIDI ALI)

5 jan / second day 

went to Sidi Ali where all the rituals get exorcised, my ritual is depending of these practices, it's like a relevent background that I aim to reach.

Watching women bringing the offerings to Lalla Aicha (female saint) I noticed a strong need of these women to transmet their believes to their kids they were also asking for the saints to bless them.

These need of transimisstion capture my attention because in my performance I invite people to reproduce it so the transmistion is a key to open the ritual's door. 

 I was also thinking about my offerings I wanted to do best  than last year, I wanted to reach these women who are showing with "vanity"and pride what they brought for their beloved Aicha.

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